Breaking Generational Patterns in Indian Households

Healing from inherited mindsets and habits - my journey

“This is how it has always been.”

If you have heard this growing up, you are not alone. I grew up hearing this line more times than I can count. And for the longest time, I believed it. I didn’t question the way things were done, until I started feeling like I didn’t recognise myself anymore.

The Beliefs I Inherited and How They Held Me Back

As a girl in an Indian household, I was taught (and expected) to be:

• Obedient more than opinionated

• Self-sacrificing more than self-aware

• Dependable more than daring

No one said it outright but I learned quickly that being praised meant staying quiet, saying yes, and always putting others first.

And while these lessons may have once meant safety or respect, for me, they slowly became chains. I started feeling resentful, small, and disconnected from the person I knew I was meant to be.

The “Good Girl” Trap I Didn’t Know I Was In

For a long time, I played the “good girl” role so well, I didn’t even realise I was doing it.

I was polite. Helpful. Smiling even when I was exhausted.

Saying yes when I wanted to scream no.

The more I gave, the more was expected. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone but somewhere along the way, I started disappointing myself.

I became a people pleaser. I lost my voice. I shrank in spaces I should’ve stood tall.

Learning to Say No and Unlearning Guilt

Saying “No” didn’t come easy. The first time I did it, I felt like I had done something wrong.

But I was tired of saying yes out of fear, not love. Tired of carrying guilt for choosing myself.

Over time, I learned that:

• Saying no doesn’t make me rude.

• Setting boundaries doesn’t mean I love my family any less.

• I can care for others and honor myself.

And slowly, the guilt started fading. Replaced by clarity. And peace.

The Tools That Helped Me Break the Cycle

This journey wasn’t overnight and I’m still walking it. But here’s what helped me:

• Journaling my feelings and noticing repeated patterns

• Inner child work, where I reconnected with the part of me that was always trying to earn love by being “good”

• Tough conversations with myself, and with my loved ones

• Most importantly, practicing self-compassion on the days I slipped back into old roles

Choosing Boundaries — Without Losing the Love

One of the biggest myths I had to unlearn was:

“If I set boundaries, I’ll hurt them.”

But the truth is, I can speak up with kindness. I can still show up, just not at the cost of my peace.

Now, I choose to bridge love with honesty. Respect with self-respect.

And I’ve found that when I show up as me, the relationships that truly matter… remain.

✨ A Note to Anyone Reading

If you feel like you’re stuck in a role you didn’t choose, I see you.

If you’ve spent years trying to be the perfect daughter, wife, mother, I’ve been there.

You are not here to repeat old stories.

You are here to write your own.

And healing your patterns is the most powerful legacy you can pass on.